- Most important, funny jokes — even funny coronavirus and quarantine jokes — bring us together and help us to feel connected, one pandemic quarantine pod to another. And laughter literally makes us stronger: Recent studies have found that a good laugh can boost our dopamine levels and even shore up our immune systems.
- Last night I got thrown out of a casino apparently I completely misunderstood the crap table. In Vegas they’ll bet on anything. One casino was ready to let me bet on whether I’d win or lose there. I’m going to the casino tonight. I hope I break even. I need the money. I had nothing to do, so just for a laugh I went to the casino.
- A few one-liner casino jokes that are guaranteed to bring a smile to your face: With gamblers, they say a fool and his money are soon parted. What I want to know is how did a fool and his money get together in the first place? Rodney Dangerfield joined Gamblers Anonymous. They gave him three-to-one he wouldn't make it.
- Gambling and casino one-liners. I make a bet with a local farmer each year as to which lamb will jump highest. I like a gambol. Got asked to leave the casino the other night. They said I had a chip on my shoulder. I’m going to an Abba themed poker night. The winner takes it all. Lost money betting with one of the big cats at the zoo.
Classic Gambling and Vegas One Liner Jokes Posted on Aug 9th Jul 21st by Chuck Buzzberry Following on from our recent posts about the fun of having a crack at winning big playing casino games, bingo and poker online we have a few classic one liners for you.
What is the difference between praying in a church or in a casino? At the casino you pray seriously!After a long time two friends met, happy to see each other. One of them, chewing on something big, asked his friend how was he and whatwas new in his life. After the friend told his story, he asked the same question to the friend who was chewing something.
- So, what's up man?
- It's a shitty period, there is nothing that works in my life and I feel really bad.
- What is going on?
- Last Saturday I went to Las Vegas. You know that from time, to time I'm going there to play at casino, three or four timesa year. I took with me thousand dollars and I put the other hundred in my driving license that I left in the car. For the safetyreasons, you know, if it goes really bad at casino, I must have the money to pay highway and go back home. And so I walked incasino, I bought the chips and found an empty seat on a roulette table, next to a beautiful woman, about forty years old witha very provocative neckline. I made my first bet on 32, the number of my house, aiming 10 dollars.
- How did it go?
The guy continues to tell his story, without stopping to chew something.
- Released! I felt all the winning streak and I bet again on 32 and it's released again. I was winning almost 13 000 dollars andthe adrenaline was at maximum. I felt like I was the God and around the table came so many people to congratulated me and I bet morethan 10 thousand dollars on 23.
- And it went out again?
- No! This time came out a bloody 13. Do you realize that I had the bad luck? I had in my hands a lot of money and if 32 came outI was settled for a life time. But the horrid number 13 ruined my evening and the hole week after.
- I understand you very well. It 's really to eat the balls.
The other friend, continuing to chew louder:
- What do you think I'm doing?
- So, what's up man?
- It's a shitty period, there is nothing that works in my life and I feel really bad.
- What is going on?
- Last Saturday I went to Las Vegas. You know that from time, to time I'm going there to play at casino, three or four timesa year. I took with me thousand dollars and I put the other hundred in my driving license that I left in the car. For the safetyreasons, you know, if it goes really bad at casino, I must have the money to pay highway and go back home. And so I walked incasino, I bought the chips and found an empty seat on a roulette table, next to a beautiful woman, about forty years old witha very provocative neckline. I made my first bet on 32, the number of my house, aiming 10 dollars.
- How did it go?
The guy continues to tell his story, without stopping to chew something.
- Released! I felt all the winning streak and I bet again on 32 and it's released again. I was winning almost 13 000 dollars andthe adrenaline was at maximum. I felt like I was the God and around the table came so many people to congratulated me and I bet morethan 10 thousand dollars on 23.
- And it went out again?
- No! This time came out a bloody 13. Do you realize that I had the bad luck? I had in my hands a lot of money and if 32 came outI was settled for a life time. But the horrid number 13 ruined my evening and the hole week after.
- I understand you very well. It 's really to eat the balls.
The other friend, continuing to chew louder:
- What do you think I'm doing?
A man from the suburb of London for many years went to an occasional trip to Monte Carlo because of the casino. One night the goddessof fortune has finally removed the blindfold and he won over 500 000 euros. Happy and excited he decided to stay in the hotel andreturn home the day after; he wanted to enjoy the evening affording some of the other vices. Back home the next day he had to solvethe problem of safekeeping of his money. He did not bring the money in the bank where he had his account because he was afraid thatbank clerk will start to investigate; the place where he lived was small and the people not so fair, so he was afraid that the newsof his win will quickly spread all over the city and he, for obvious reasons, didn't want the people know about his win. So he decidedto dig a hole in his garden and hide the money in a resistant and waterproof box.
The next day, returning home from work he quickly notice the footprints from the gate to his backyard. Following the footprints henoticed that someone entered in his property and stole his treasure. Upset and angry he continues to follow the footprints leadingto the house of his neighbor. Poker bonus sans depot. He remembered his neighbor was a deaf mute who had communication problems. Fortunately he rememberedalso that close to him lived a woman able to communicate with the language of the deaf-mute.
Funny Christian One Liner Jokes
He took a gun, his other favorite hobby was shooting, went to the woman's house and dragged her to the door of the deaf-mute. He ringsthe bell and when the guy opens the door he says to the woman:
- Explain this villain I will kill him if he don't say immediately where he hid my money.
The woman turns the question to the deaf-mute that explains with signs that he have hidden the box with the money in the cellar. Thewoman turns to the man with the gun and says:
Senior Citizens Jokes One Liners
Clean One Liner Jokes
- This guy told me he prefers rather to be killed then to tell you where he hid the money.